


on your own is not always the strongest way

by trash_mammall



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Anxiety, Comfort, Medication
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-15
Updated: 2019-04-15
Packaged: 2020-01-13 16:13:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18472462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trash_mammall/pseuds/trash_mammall
Summary: I'm tired of all the fics painting medication as something that would be horribly toxic to Thomas and the others. Taking medication for anxiety or any other disorder is perfectly okay and needed for some people, so this is kind of me just being angry about that.It's certainly not much, it's barely a real story, but it's comforting and shows that getting help from outside resources can be a very good thing.





	on your own is not always the strongest way

It had become a routine at this point.

Thomas had left his glass in the kitchen and now it was poisoned, or

Thomas had left his plate on the table and now it was inedible, or

Thomas hadn’t messaged back his friends and how they hated him, or

Or Virgil didn’t know what was wrong but something was, and he was _terrified_.

It consisted of panic leading to comfort, but there was rarely a concrete conclusion to it. It was more of a cycle, a loop, something never ending but horribly exhausting for everyone involved.

Virgil had gotten better at convincing himself that the others were fine with helping him calm down, whether that be providing him with his music or staying by his side until air was no longer gulped down by greedy lungs, but no one could deny the truth.

It was a rainy evening, one after a calm day with little anxiety inducing instances. Logan had been planning with the others to talk to Thomas about this topic, but they had needed the perfect opportunity. They needed a day that wouldn’t mutate this prospect into something unreachable, intenible.

This was their shot, and Logan wasn’t going to let it go, not after seeing his friend in hyperventilating pain so many times.

So he rose up first, stating, “Thomas, we have to talk about this.” He was monotone, direct, but there was a hidden urgency to help that had been growing to be more noticable.

Thomas was sitting on his couch, placing down his phone as he replied, “talk about what? Nothing’s been out of the ordinary, I don’t think.”

Patton and Roman synced in smoothly next, worry etched into Patton’s fiddling of his hoodie and Roman’s smile, less effortless than usual.

“Thomas, I think we all know that the worrying that’s been going on has been a little overwhelming recently,” Patton started. “And obviously we’re all doing our best to make it work! We’re all incredibly proud of Virgil for all he’s done to grow, and we’re absolutely proud of you for getting through everything you have, but…”

Patton trailed off, never elegant with his wording and resorting to scrunching his nose, but Logan had become accustomed to picking up the half-formed statements - it wasn’t always accurate, but he was getting fairly reliable at that.

“We’re all concerned, Thomas, that your anxiety is reaching a point in which it is becoming far more of a hindrance than only you, and us as a byproduct of that, can handle. We all believe that seeking some assistance from some outside source may be of use, such as aerobic exercise or some form of medication.”

Thomas’ brows furrowed, but Roman cut in before he could say anything.

“I have to agree. I know we tend to blow things out of proportion but this is getting in the way of our goals, Thomas! You’ve decided against auditions, declined plans with friends, all because of ‘what if’s. That’s no way to reach new heights, and it seems there’s little we can do on our own to help with that.” Roman gesticulated as he spoke, bouncing on the balls of his feet naturally, but everything was less enthusiastic.

All of them felt muted.

Thomas could see the sincerity behind it, the care and thought that had gone into this conversation, and he let out a slow breath.

“Okay, but before we talk more about this, what does Virgil have to say?”  
As if waiting for his name, Virgil appeared on the stairs out of nothing. His eyeshadow smudged, sleeves bunched in his fists, Virgil almosted curled in on himself. It was hard to hide his jitters at this point, shifting and fidgeting near constant, and if anyone had noticed Patton’s flinch of the hand, an instinct ingrained into him to care and comfort those he loved, no one mentioned it.

“They’re right,” Virgil muttered, shrugging. “So much of everything is too much, and at this point I think something has to be done. Anything. I don’t care. This isn’t fair to anyone, though, least of all yourself, Thomas.”

And so they did.

Months passed with experimentation, with various degrees of success. Logan had made a spreadsheet of anything and everything that affected Thomas’ anxiety levels, and how it did so. On busier days, he was filling in information, observing Virgil’s reactions to differing stimuli as they presented themselves to Thomas. On lazier days he let Patton and Roman help with colour coding it all, Virgil watching bemusedly.

Some tactics to alleviate general anxiety had Virgil entering the living room of the Mind Palace more often, less afraid to smile at Patton’s jokes and generally easier to relax into their familial dynamics. Some had Virgil shut off, a shell of himself as everything making up what personality he had was stripped away from him, resorting to holing up in his room.

Some not only affected Virgil, but touched Patton, too. He’d wake up feeling like cotton, and he and Virgil would spend the day curled up in front of a laptop.

All of this was recorded, all of it was discussed. Logan recognized that Thomas had a doctor to help him with this research, but he felt far more comfortable if he, too, knew exactly what was going on. Every week the five of them would talk about what was working, what wasn’t, and Logan was happy to explain to them the science behind yoga, or antianxiety medication, or sitting down with a book in the evening.

And, eventually, they had a new routine.

Eventually Virgil could tell himself that leaving a beverage for twenty minutes didn’t mean they had to pour it out every time.

Eventually being left on read was easier, more understandable if looking from the right perspective.

Eventually going out with friends was easy again, meeting new people was manageable, getting to sleep wasn’t a chore.

It was never perfect, it never would be, but Virgil had the others, and they were happy to help.

Patton’s hugs and hot chocolate.

Roman’s dramatics and storytelling.

Logan’s explanations and information.

It all made everything easier, and soon none of them were quite as tired as they once had been.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you very much for reading this ! i understand that it's not really the type of plot for something like this, i'd rather go deeper into it, but it's past midnight and this was more spur-of-the-moment if i'm gonna be honest.
> 
> thank you again, and please know that if you take medication for anything you're doing great and you're doing exactly what you need to in order to be your best self.
> 
> stay safe, and until next time!
> 
> tumblr: trash-mammall


End file.
